Yesterday I was working on the Cynnamon Charmed Facebook and website video for Imbolc. Normally I don’t watch the videos because I will pick myself apart but yesterday I did. So what I saw in my video, I realized, could be tied in with my shadow work I am doing the next couple months.
So before I get into what I didn’t like, I want to mention the progress. I began doing videos for the page about 4-5 months. It was absolutely terrifying for me but my 10 year old daughter convinced me that my business needed it. She was shooting more towards posting Utube videos but same idea. In the beginning, I was not very confident and was afraid to watch the videos out of fear of chickening out on posting them. Since then I have become more comfortable with doing them but a few people have mentioned that I say “Ummmm” a lot in them. I figured that was the least of my worries, just me and how I talk so I wasn’t going to get too hung up on it. After all, I find there is always lots of people willing to criticize you and not nearly enough to attempt to lift you up realizing that you, yourself are your largest critic already. I am proud of myself and the self-confidence, courage and extroverted actions that I have forced myself to embody has created great change and growth in me.
So yesterday I recorded our Imbolc video and these aren’t edited. I click record and I talk about what I want to talk about and sometimes I make a few notes of things I don’t want to forget to mention but most of the time I wing it. I like things this way because I feel like it is as close to talking directly to you that I can be. Something seems fake about going in and editing, retaking and all that. Maybe, later in the year, we will even do some “LIVE” chats.
So after the recording I was scheduling its post and accidentally pushed something that made it start to play. I listened while I finished typing up my title and comment for the post and quickly realized that I said “Ummm…..” a lot and so I continued watching. Now, I realize that when you are already bugged about something and looking for it then it’s going to stick out more prominently than it may at other times. However, the over use of this word drove me nuts and I don’t use it like that in normal conversation. So, I decided to meditate and continue contemplating why I was doing this as part of my shadow work for the week.
I spent the next 24 hours thinking about that and hoping that it doesn’t bother my viewers as much as it does me. I also realize that in talking on video I don’t want stagnant air or silence so when I go from one idea to another I am using “ummm” as a transition word or a place holder until I gather my thoughts. As an artist and an herbalist I work alone a lot. So, most of the thoughts and conversations I have about my work is in my own head. Learning how to articulate and share them with you all has been a work in progress. Being aware of this will help me in the future and I intend to work a great deal on it. I don’t know that I will be able to fix it in one or two videos completely but I am going to make a solid attempt to lessen the use of the word. So for all my video viewers that I am driving insane…… please hang in there, I am working on it and it will get better.
Photo credit: https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4129/5045045779_2963e256b2_b.jpg